網誌
2005年5月10日 上午6點17分00秒
5-9-05
I didn't feel well today as usual. My stomach felt bad. I think I have overeaten on bananas.that was dumb of me. I didn't do much except 2 crossword puzzles for one of my classses and also practiced working out some math problems on mathcue program.
I also saw a guy today who also happened to be one that I was secretly admiring. I can't believe that he saw me looking at him across the street. I hope he doesn't like me (not that I think I am pretty and healthy at all but it doesn't seem to matter to some of them ) since I can't and don't deserve to have a significant other and nothing willl ever change that thought. honestly, he is quite good looking. I just find myself I think ther'es a lot of nice looking Filipino girls at the college I attend at and hopefully, he will find one of them to be better . not that I am a 100% sure that he likes me but the way he looked at me. .It was a special feeling and yet, I didn't enjoy it at all. I actually realized that I am liking my own physician too.. that is terrible. .and also another asian guy.and many other ones too. It just seems like as long as they are asian, have cute looking eyes and a pale /fair facial complexion, I can like them at first sight.. I can;t believe some of them are so similar to my personality.. which is being shy but one thing that sets us apart was that we belonged to 2 different worlds.. one , a world where things were going well , there was hope and happiness.. and the other, a world where things didn't go well..everything was the opposite.
I just feel so stupid because I can't hope and meaning in life everyday and here I am, still secretly admiring guys . I promise to try hard to eliminate them from my mind.. I don't want to like guys anymore.
2005年5月6日 下午10點12分00秒
5-6-05
Today I didn't do much. I only reviewed for an upcoming math exam and also did some reading for my medical class.. but it was troubling, since I still have a hard time understanding health insurance.. It can get quite complicating when it comes to coverage and benefits.. and basically how it works.. I always thought it was something easy to grasp.. it was easy all these years being a patient.. all I had to do was to make an appointment, go to see the dcotor and then make a copayment afterwards.. But I guess it is much harder for the office staffs working there.. I am losing confidence in being able to pass all the classes and actually being hired as a medical assistant.. I think the most I can do is to try and put effort into everything I do.
I also bought a cd which I anticipated to have nice songs.. but it doesn't seem to have ..I guess I chose the wrong one. .Maybe I should only buy cantonese ones from now on. . I like Joey Yung's voice and The Twin's voice .
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