網誌
2004年6月16日 下午12點19分00秒how is everyone tonight** i am not...
how is everyone tonight** i am not feeling that well as usual. in addition , a few things happened tonight which made me quite scared to go out during night time.. first , i 've encountered two different homeless people at the bustops. they were polite and asked if i could spare them $0.25. as usual i would lie and say that i didn't have any money. .but tonight, for some reason, i gave them both money. .although i was short of $0.01 when the other one asked , so i couldn't give him enough. .but still he accepted it and did the "God bless" hand gesture.. the first one said "doomo" to me too, thinking that i was japanese * *. let me recap on the very beginning of tonight.. i was walking to the bustop to take the bus to a nearby ice cream store ,hoping to apply for a summer job there. all of a sudden, i';ve encountered a man in his early/ late thirties who claimed that he has talked to me before. .so i looked at him carefully and realized that i have met him before a few times..he started to ask me where i was going and then talked briefly about his parent's anticipated leave from the hospital from heart surgery tomorrow. .and then he jumped right into the main subject.. he commented that i was very pretty and i guess i wasn't suprised at all since i have met a few other caucasian guys before or other guys who would say that just to please someone they like .. and i started to say that i didn't think i was pretty at all. . and so he started to ask why. it's more like he wants to make me think that way.. but i just couldn't .. and he said he wanted to get to know me better.. but honestly i can't have a boyfriend. .i have my own reasons. .they just can't understand. .ican't really be honest in front of any of them because i will be disclosing too much.. and what if they wouldn't think what i said was credible .. i can say it online now.. i feel that i am not pretty , and i am always not feeling that well. .i have stomach problems and a few others.. i t's just impossible to be in a relationship and i consciously know what it is that really makes me happy.. and that just wasn't included . i told me that i didn't want to knowhim better but still i couldn't tell if he has given up or not. . i was just being so honest.. later on , i have met another guy, this one being caucasian and younger in looks.. at first , i thought he was kind and everything, since he kindly asked me if i had the time.. and i said "sorrie i didn't " so he smiled and replied that it was okay. . then he started to come closer.. and asked me to sit down but i said i didn't want to. . i knew at that moment that something was wrong again. . he was one of those who was trying to look for an asian girlfriend so he would say anything to make the girl happy.. he commented that i was lovely but i said that i wasn't at all. . and next, he asked me if i wanted to go on a date with him either to the beaches or the club .. and i said that i didn't want to . .then he took out a slip of paper and wrote his number on it and gave it to me.. i thought that was over.. since i accepted the paper and he would probably leave..but he didn't.. instead he immediately asked for my number and i said that i do not talk on the phone and also that i didn't want to have a boyfriend. .he started to smile and then i saw a disappointed look on his face.. then he looked up at me and said that one day, i would look back and regret that i haven't gone out with a caucasian guy , a nice one like him. .then he asked me if Tom Cruise asked me to go out on a date with him, will i accept it.. and when i said no, he got even more angry and moved away . .then he threw his bag on the ground and picked it up and i didn't know what happened.. i didn't even have the courage to look at him.. that was my story. . i was so scared at that moment. thank God, i am safe at home now.. but one of his sentences stuck on my mind even until now.. he said don't i ever think about romance or someone you love at night.. actually i do.. but i just can't have a boyfriend.. i am so absorbed with my own problems now.. it is enough to worry. .this entry is so long so i think it is a good time to end it here now.. have a nice and sweet dream everyone bai bai* *