sparklinsnobubboçš„ä¸»é

sparklinsnobubboçš„ä¸»é http://hk.zorpia.com/sparklinsnobubbo Mon, 21 Dec 2009 02:15 EST Mon, 21 Dec 2009 02:15 EST Zorpia.com http://hk.zorpia.com/sparklinsnobubbo/journal/1234437 *-*  This is my last time coming onto xanga.com.  I finally realized that expressing my thoughts and feelings into words doesn't help much.. It is a definetely a healthy outlet though , for those who have anger management problems * *.. you can always feel free to let out your anger here .. it's the best way to approach the problem . If any guys that I have been secretly admiring that I mentioned in the entries, I just want to tell them that they will always be special to me.  I mean I don't think they will do something as foolish as typing my name on a search engine and clicking on one of the links to reach here.. I don't know. maybe one of them had.. And one final word, thanks to those who have been leaving comments on my entries.. it's too bad , that the places we live are so distant.. and we can never become real friends. and even though I always mention how sad I am and how I live in a different world from many of the more lucky ones on xanga, I know there must be a few who are having a hard time living life too. ..that in the end, our worlds are not so different..   I should end here.   bai bai and take care everyone. ~Selena . Personal http://hk.zorpia.com/sparklinsnobubbo/journal/1234437 Tue, 21 Jun 2005 01:44 EST http://hk.zorpia.com/sparklinsnobubbo/journal/1234438 6-6-05 Today was a memorable day for me because it's the last time that I get to see that japanese guy whom I have been secretly admiring for the past 6 weeks.For the entire afternoon, I was thinking of him so badly.. but then later on, I was able to concentrate on something else.. because his image in my mind wasn't vivid anymore.. it was gradually disappearing... I know I can only secretly admire them and look , but never to have any of them. And then something even worse happened. I have been trying a chinese herbal supplement which is supposed to help with "dry eyes" indirectly but after taking it , I felt upper abdominal pain and then stomach ache. it's a hard decision whether to continue it or discontinue it.  the thought of having to experience dry eyes and stomach problems and being alone for the rest of my life  seems scary. I did have to admit the idea of suiciding came across my mind at least 3 times today.. but I am a coward. .I know even if I have attempted it .. it would end up being that I would give up just like in the past because a few minutes of suffocating oneself in a bag felt like an hour.. time passed so slow and yet you feel the pain so quickly. all of a sudden, I long for happiness. Personal http://hk.zorpia.com/sparklinsnobubbo/journal/1234438 Mon, 06 Jun 2005 17:36 EST http://hk.zorpia.com/sparklinsnobubbo/journal/1190663 5-9-05 I didn't feel well today as usual.  My stomach felt bad. I think I have overeaten on bananas.that was dumb of me. I didn't do much except 2 crossword puzzles for one of my classses and also practiced working out some math problems on mathcue program. I also saw a guy today who also happened to be one that I was secretly admiring. I can't believe that he saw me looking at him across the street.  I hope he doesn't like me (not that I think I am pretty and healthy  at all but it doesn't seem to matter to some of them ) since I can't and don't deserve to have a significant other and nothing willl ever change that thought.   honestly, he is quite good looking. I just find myself I think ther'es a lot of nice looking Filipino girls at the college I attend at and hopefully, he will find one of them to be better . not that I am a 100% sure that he likes me but the way he looked at me. .It was a special feeling and yet, I didn't enjoy it at all.    I actually realized that I am liking my own physician too.. that is terrible. .and also another asian guy.and many other ones too. It just seems like as long as they are asian, have cute looking eyes and a pale /fair facial complexion, I can like them at first sight.. I can;t believe some of them are so similar to my personality.. which is being shy but one thing that sets us apart was that we belonged to 2 different worlds.. one , a world where things were going well , there was hope and happiness.. and the other, a world where things didn't go well..everything was the opposite. I just feel so stupid because I can't hope and meaning in life everyday and here I am, still secretly admiring guys . I promise to try hard to eliminate them from my mind.. I don't want to like guys anymore. Personal http://hk.zorpia.com/sparklinsnobubbo/journal/1190663 Tue, 10 May 2005 01:17 EST http://hk.zorpia.com/sparklinsnobubbo/journal/1190664 5-6-05 Today I didn't do much.  I only reviewed for an upcoming math exam and also did some reading for my medical class.. but it was troubling, since I still have a hard time understanding health insurance.. It can get quite complicating when it comes to coverage and benefits.. and basically how it works.. I always thought it was something easy to grasp.. it was easy all these years being a patient.. all I had to do was to make an appointment, go to see the dcotor and then make a copayment afterwards.. But I guess it is much harder for the office staffs working there.. I am losing confidence in being able to pass all the classes and actually being hired as a medical assistant.. I think the most I can do is to try and put effort into everything I do. I also bought a cd which I anticipated to have nice songs.. but it doesn't seem to have ..I guess I chose the wrong one. .Maybe I should only buy cantonese ones from now on. . I like Joey Yung's voice and The Twin's voice . (~_~) (~_*) (^_^) (@_~) (^_*) (o_o) (<_>) (''*o*'') (o*_*o) (*=*) (^_o) Personal http://hk.zorpia.com/sparklinsnobubbo/journal/1190664 Fri, 06 May 2005 17:12 EST http://hk.zorpia.com/sparklinsnobubbo/journal/1190665 4-23-05 (Saturday) It's finally time to add a new entry again as I haven't done so for many months.  These days, I am only busy with school, mainly studying.. but many times, I  can't concentrate on my tasks due to my health conditions and sadness..I can't find much meaning and hope in doing anything.. even when I have aced an exam or an assignment, those things don't mean anything .. School has started about 3 months ago.. I didn't ever think of going back to school but it's hard to find a job without a degree these days so I found it necessary to do so.. There's only about 11 more months to go.. and hopefully I can graduate by that time.. Honestly, studying medical assisting is quite hard for me.  I still fear learning to inject shots and put on dressings for wounds on patients.. and well, the administrative aspects will be hard too..because I am not that good at computers. .but I will try hard to finish the program and hopefully get a good paying job. And I also went to see the ophthalmologist today for a follow up visit. I ended up having a new set of punctal plugs inserted into the punctum or tear ducts of both of my eyes. It still feels uncomfortable in my left eye. And after administering eye drops into my eyes , it only lasted less than an hour before I felt the surface area dry again.The tears just doesn't stay long enough on the eyes.  .So I was losing hope again. I wish I had healthy eyes just like all of my other classmates.. everything attending my vocational college has healthy eyes.. they are so lucky .. but some of them just haven't realized it. And I was looking into the doctor's eyes. they looked so healthy too. And bad bad bad .. I felt hopeless so I was overeating again.. on crackers which did have fat and also rice crackers.. and an orange.. I was trying to reach under 100 this entire time.. now i don't think it's possible.. really, it's not losing weight to be pretty or more pretty. .or anything pertaining to beauty. .losing weight gives me a feeling of control over my life and some accomplishment at least.. All of my life, I was a pure failure.. being teased at school starting from kindergarten until the end of high school.. and being looked down on while I volunteered at a physician's office.. because I was a slow learner. .. dumb to be exact. And talking about guys, one of my "note friends" asked me in the email the other day how it feels to be secretly admiring 3 guys at one time.. and whicho one will I end up choosing .. and I just didn't need time to think about the reply.. the answer was that they don't know that I like them and they will never know.. because I will never say it out.. because I can't have one. i'll end my thoughts here . <IMG height=15 src="http://www.xanga.com/Images/heart2.gif" width=15> Personal http://hk.zorpia.com/sparklinsnobubbo/journal/1190665 Sat, 23 Apr 2005 03:53 EST  correction for most recent entry. I'm... http://hk.zorpia.com/sparklinsnobubbo/journal/931799  correction for most recent entry. I'm so sorrie.  I am quite bad at chinese so i thought "doang nam ah"=east asia.  Now i should remember that "doang" =south and not east. Personal http://hk.zorpia.com/sparklinsnobubbo/journal/931799 Wed, 29 Dec 2004 04:44 EST how is everyone today? i am not that happy... http://hk.zorpia.com/sparklinsnobubbo/journal/927358 how is everyone today?  i am not that happy and not feeling that well as usual.  I do miss the days back when i did experience happiness**. really do. and i miss one of my online "note friends" on xanga but he doesn't write anymore. i think i must have said the wrong thing that last time. what i thought would be a nice comment probably ended up becoming a misunderstanding. so sorrie. today it has been raining from early morning until afternoon. then it cleared up , there was sunshine again but now it's night time and it's pouring again.  i just went to 2 interviews today but it didn't seem to go that well.  i don't think it's that promising.  Both were positions in clerical work. i am so bad at typing too.. so i have a lot of worries. The natural diaster that occured in east asia is sad to hear.  I am usually not a savvy consumer of news, especially world news but thanks to my family, i have known about it.  I can't believe this incident took so many lives.  I believe that they were all kindhearted people too.  I can only wish the best for all of them , that they will have a peaceful life in Heaven**. And for those who ended up being isolated from their family , i am sure it must be difficult for them to cope with it and move on with life.  i wish the best for them too. nite nite everyone . sweet dreams of the ones you  love. Personal http://hk.zorpia.com/sparklinsnobubbo/journal/927358 Tue, 28 Dec 2004 04:53 EST :*( I finally have a job , even though it's... http://hk.zorpia.com/sparklinsnobubbo/journal/891022 :*( I finally have a job , even though it's only part time now. . I still need a lot of time to become accustomed to the demands of the tasks.. I work at a drive inn called "Beijing Express" now and i am still finding another part time to compensate for the missing hours that of a normal full time job which is about 40 hours or slightly more but without much success.  I am always being complained by customers and my coworkers so i feel even worse for the last two days. . I know it's all my fault since i am a slow learner.. and still haven't learned to do the tasks in an appropriate way.. .tasks such as scooping enough entrees into the white take out box and enough starches such as noodles and rice.. One of the customers actually sweared at me today afternoon and then continued to complain which hurted a lot .. but i didn't want to express it directly.. either emotionally or verbally .I felt humiliated too since one of my other coworkers saw the entire scene... It just seems as if i do everything wrong.. and at the end of the day, all i feel is more sadness and worthlessness.  I was walking in the heavy rain about an hour ago.. felt like crying once again... i knew if i finished the last semester of university or either attended a vocational school , things might be a little better.. at least for the job part.. but with a few health problems i still feel pretty sad.. i know i won't be able to concentrate in school at all ..but still i hope to get over this job soon.. whether it be three months from now or 6.. i want to leave so badly but i know no other place is willing to give me a chance to work for them.. and talking about guys , i swear i don't think of them much anymore. .except when i saw a few hong konese guys on the bus just now.. one was sitting next to his loved one and the other was sitting alone but he was facing the couple as he talked .. i only dared to take a one second glance at him.. but i couldn't see much of his face.. i felt so embarassed of myself.. finally i got off the bus soon when it was time to get off. . then it was over.. i think everything will soon be over.. i don't want to be having the same health issues for the next 7 and 7 and 7 years.. I still can't accept everything as it is .. and i can't cope with them.. nor do i want to . .i want happiness and i will do anything to achieve it. i do miss guys.. which girl in this world does not want to have a boyfriend or long to have one.. but i have finally realized that i miss something more .. something more important which is happiness..   without happiness, it's impossible to even want to have a boyfriend.. the truth is that i just want a guy friend at times .. someone cute * *. and nothing more.. i know i can't have a significant other.. i feel satisfied just secretly admiring cute looking asian guys. .even with happiness. Personal http://hk.zorpia.com/sparklinsnobubbo/journal/891022 Thu, 18 Nov 2004 03:54 EST *_* how is everyone. i have reached the... http://hk.zorpia.com/sparklinsnobubbo/journal/891023 *_* how is everyone.  i have reached the point where i am at the stage of sadness and also disappointment. everything has been going wrong in life.  i've never thought that i have to go through so much problems.  i think about taking my life many times, but i am such a coward that i don't have the courage to take any action.  I was looking at   the ground level from the outside of my balcony and i once thought what if i took off from there.. but it's not high enough.. instead, i was holding onto the railing very tightly.. i'm such a coward..it's only 5 floors high and yet, i was so afraid already. ( i have that height phobia thing)..I always think if there wasn't happiness in life anymore, why should or i shall say why am i still alive. The answer is pretty pathetic.. it's because a fear of death and after life..  i ran out of thoughts now. it's time to end... ~sparklinsnobubbo Personal http://hk.zorpia.com/sparklinsnobubbo/journal/891023 Sun, 07 Nov 2004 19:21 EST (O* *O)/"")  how is everyone ?  i... http://hk.zorpia.com/sparklinsnobubbo/journal/891024 (O* *O)/"")  how is everyone ?  i haven't placed my random thoughts here since the beginning of the month so i have decided to come here now.  .. Let me recap about yesterday.  i have stayed at home almost all day until evening when my sister has arrived home from her boyfriend's company . we went to the supermarket first to buy some groceries and then headed straight to the mall. . i  ended up buying a box of plain steamed rice for a late lunch . .and 2 bags of green seedless grapes. .i thought they were on sale so i bought two but at the end , i've realized that only the red ones were on sale. .but it was too late since we paid for it. . i also bought a few lbs of black plums since they were still on sale.. the sale date seems to be endless since they didn't decide on an exact date to end it. . i wanted to buy some snacks but they sold out all of what i've wanted so i chose a box of ice cream cones * *no ice cream though*_* .. when we arrived at the mall, we went to a store to buy some household items we had in mind. . my sister wanted a bag from that store so she walked around each aisle to search for it..  later she found it but it was hunged up too high so it wasn't possible for her to be able to reach it. .and then she said in a quiet tone, that there was  a cute guy stocking school supplies near where the bag was .  she decided to ask him to help her and i walked beside her.. when she first spoke to him, he looked up and wow, what did i see. . a cute looking chinese (might have been hong konese) with thin glasses on. .nice skin and cute looking, gentle voice) .. my sister completely fell for him.. luckily i didn't blush .. i thought he was cute too **.  he was trying to search for a stick to hook it down but there wasn't any around so he attempted to reach up and drag it down. . surprisingly he was successful * *.(he did tip toe though *_*)  and my sister took the bag from him. .she was smiling afterwards. .i had a clear image of him in my mind even after 15 minutes after seeing him but not it is not there anymore. .aww another cute guy * *.  cool.    after that we left the store.. nothing much happened. . and we came home.  as for today, it's an usual day too. . i am listening to one of Leon Lai's songs in midi file. . it's called 'My Feeling."  it sounds quite sad. . but i like it .  i think i'll end here for now . bai bai ** Personal http://hk.zorpia.com/sparklinsnobubbo/journal/891024 Tue, 10 Aug 2004 06:19 EST [IMAGE] ^_~ how is everyone doing tonight?... http://hk.zorpia.com/sparklinsnobubbo/journal/891025 <IMG height=15 src="http://www.xanga.com/Images/heart2.gif" width=15> ^_~ how is  everyone doing tonight?  i am at home now listening to  music online once again . i am still not bored of one of the songs of Leon Lai yet.  i think Leon Lai looks even better than before.  His eyes look nicer. ** i wonder if he actually has a girlfriend yet.. even Vivian Chow has a boyfriend already which i didn't know until i came across her site one day. She is still so pretty looking ** . has anyone seen the full moon yesterday night ?  It was extremely beautiful  . I saw a movie called "Harold and Kumar go to White Castle" and i thought it was quite hilarious... but too much swearing.  i couldn't tolerate it . Their ideal meal ( hamburgers from white castle) looked so delicious that my stomach was growling.. maybe it's because i haven't eaten anything other than a piece of bread throughout the entire day.  i haven't had any fast foods in several years due to indigestion problems.  and then i've given up meat other than "fish" for about one and a half to two years.. i still  have strong cravings for it but i am able to control my appetite.   i long for a cup of ice cream too or chinese almond tofu.. before ending this entry, i wanted to mention something special that happened yesterday.  i saw two hong kong guys enter the bus that i was boarding..one of them had pretty silky hair **(nicer hair than i have) . the other one , i didn't know since i was already too shy to take a look at another guy. i was sitting there trying to listen to their conversation in the beginning since i wasn't absolutely sure that they were chinese. they could have been japanese .. some times, i can't tell the difference.. but i'm sure if guys are wearing a messenger bag, they are usually from hong kong . perhaps they are two new guys to add to my list whom i secretly admire. but what if i can't remember how they look. .maybe that doesn't count then.  too bad for me . i guess i;ll end here for now sweet dreams everyone . Personal http://hk.zorpia.com/sparklinsnobubbo/journal/891025 Sun, 01 Aug 2004 03:23 EST (o)(o) (*o*) (O((O)~q how is everyone today? http://hk.zorpia.com/sparklinsnobubbo/journal/485400 (o)(o) (*o*) (O((O)~q  how is everyone today?  i feel a little tired from a few hours of volunteering so i actually feel asleep just now in front of the computer.  i think i am more awake now.  Today was the last day of volunteering for me. I 've thanked the two staff members at  the medical office and also handed them a note which briefly explained my leaving.  it's because i have to start internship soon but i am not sure exactly when until the agency coordinator emails me back.  i wonder if i can work well with little children because i know most of the time, i only smile at them..  i don't really know how to play with them.  that is what i have to improve on. . in order to help them learn rather than being passive.   babies and little children seems to always be so happy so i really admire them. it's not easy for me to be happy .  * * I sort of fell in love this song of Leon Lai's called 'Accumulating all my love." The cantonese translation of the song is "dui jik ching gam", which i am still not sure how to pronounce it accurately in cantonese and understand the meaning of the words separately, except "ching " which means love.. but "dui jik" , i am quite confused..<IMG height=22 src="http://www.xanga.com/Images/confused.gif" width=15> my cantonese is so bad.  how shameful that is. This song is actually sung in mandarin so i am totally lost in terms of the meaning of the lyrics.. but still it's a nice song to listen to . i guess i am the only one or one of the few who listen to Leon Lai and Vivian chow.  many xanga members seem to be much younger than i am and also they are much updated than i am.. they listen to the Twins and Edison Chen.  it is finally evening now and the sun has set.i am waiting for my sister to come home .. she always have new stories of she and her boyfriend.. i don't know if this is grammatically correct.. it sounds a little strange.  i'll end here for now. bai bai **     Personal http://hk.zorpia.com/sparklinsnobubbo/journal/485400 Mon, 26 Jul 2004 01:30 EST (*o*) hi how is everyone doing today? As... http://hk.zorpia.com/sparklinsnobubbo/journal/485401 (*o*)  hi how is everyone doing today? As for me i went out for a little while and then came back home.  The first thing i did was accompany my sister to Hallmark, a store that offers a variety of cards for almost any occasion you can think of and also cute gift wraps, adorable beanie babies .. and other things too.  my sister ended up buying a photo album for her boyfriend as an anniversary gift. * *. she picked the gift wrap and the card in which the words clearly/coincidentally reflected their relationship now .. so sweet * *. i helped her pick out a gift bow which was baby blue in color.  i love that color.. i also bought a pack of Precious Moments stickers for myself. . i still like their items so much and the figurines too but they are always not on sale.. Soon after we left, we returned home to put down her gifts and then we went to a warehouse.. everything was so affordable there.. and hefty since it was only sold in bulks.. i tried to lift a box that contained 36 cans of soda but ended up without much success..we only ended up with a container of green grapes , weighing a total of four pounds.. that was not bad compared to other items.. they even sold vita soy milk by boxes each consisting of 24 boxes.. i was trying to convince my sister to purchase it but she said that she couldn't drink it all herself and the weight gain issue. . i could help out if i could but i have learned my lesson throughout the past several years..that i am not supposed to drink anything containing milk and other dairy ingredients.. too bad for me. .* *. actually i did mind at first so it was hard to accept.. and then now i guess i am used to it.. i also have some kind of indigestion problem so i have been gaining weight so easily and so that was quite sad.. all i eat is rice and some vegetables and fish for dinner, a piece of steamed chinese bread for breakfast and some rice again for lunch.  sometimes, i even skip a meal.  my sister thinks that i have metabolism problems. .but most of the time, i don't have the motivation to lose weight. . to go from a medium frame to a very thin frame.. i am about 109 lbs now which means that i've gained 10 lbs over slightly less than 5 months.  it's pretty sad.  i have been constantly exercising too. i think one day when i do have some motivation , i will set Mary Kate Olsen's current weight ( i'm not sure how much she weighs but her body is very very skinny) as a standard  and try to attain a weight of 75-80 lbs . but that's just one day.   but gwo yut ding wui han lo dou mo lik ga.. i have been throught this experience once so i know how it feels.. pretty much like you want to fall each time you walk down a flight of stairs.. * *.  so scary . i'll end my thoughts here for now. .sweet dreams everyone * * Personal http://hk.zorpia.com/sparklinsnobubbo/journal/485401 Fri, 16 Jul 2004 18:36 EST (*o*) how is everyone tonight? i am not... http://hk.zorpia.com/sparklinsnobubbo/journal/485402 (*o*)  how is everyone tonight?  i am not feeling that well as usual.  just a few days ago, i made a visit to a family physician ( a caucasian man ) for a medical condition.  so i had some things tested and then now i have to take an antibiotic for 5 continuous days.  i hope i would feel better afterwards.  * *. i have to go there tomorrow once again to see if my condition has any signs of improvement.  i was even worried about having diabetes so i have requested some tests from the doctor .. the nurses drew out about 2 tubes of blood from my upper left arm.  afterwards, i have to admit that i felt a little weak .. but not like lightheaded.. or a passing out feeling . . i think that only happens if you are very thin .. i was also thinking of someone special this entire day.. and i thought that i had the time, which means the opportunity to see that person but i wasn't feeling well so i decided to stay home instead.  to be honest, i am a secret admirer of a few other guys or several to be more accurate but i have a feeling that it will be hard to encounter them.  so it's okay. ..usually i only go to the place where the special someone works at , about once a month but i haven't been there for one month since the last time.i can't even have a mental picture of him in the back of my mind , where i can retrieve it easily whenever i miss him ..it must be my bad memory <IMG height=22 src="http://www.xanga.com/Images/confused.gif" width=15>  again.  i can only remember that he has cute looking eyes, a nice facial complexion and not much.  i always <IMG height=15 src="http://www.xanga.com/Images/blush.gif" width=15> when i see cute looking guys.  so far, i am still not able to overcome my <IMG height=15 src="http://www.xanga.com/Images/shy.gif" width=15>ness.  i will end my thoughts here for now. . nite nite and sweet dreams everyone Personal http://hk.zorpia.com/sparklinsnobubbo/journal/485402 Thu, 01 Jul 2004 12:34 EST how is everyone tonight**  i am not... http://hk.zorpia.com/sparklinsnobubbo/journal/375878 how is everyone tonight**  i am not feeling that well as usual.  in addition , a few things happened tonight which made me quite scared to go out during night time.. first , i 've encountered two different homeless people at the bustops.  they were polite and asked if i could spare them $0.25. as usual i would lie and say that i didn't have any money. .but tonight, for some reason, i gave them both money. .although i was short of $0.01 when the other one asked , so i couldn't give him enough. .but still he accepted it and did the "God bless" hand gesture.. the first one said "doomo" to me too, thinking that i was japanese * *.  let me recap on the very beginning of tonight.. i was walking to the bustop to take the bus to a nearby ice cream store ,hoping to apply for a summer job there. all of a sudden, i';ve encountered a man in his early/ late thirties who claimed that he has talked to me before. .so i looked at him carefully and realized that i have met him before a few times..he started to ask me where i was going and then  talked briefly about his parent's anticipated leave from the hospital from heart surgery tomorrow. .and then he jumped right into the main subject.. he commented that i was very pretty and i guess i wasn't suprised at all since i have met a few other caucasian  guys before or other guys who would say that just to please someone they like .. and i started to say that i didn't think i was pretty at all. . and so he started to ask why. it's more like he wants to make me think that way.. but i just couldn't .. and he said he wanted to get to know me better.. but honestly i can't have a boyfriend. .i have my own reasons. .they just can't understand. .ican't really be honest in front of any of them because i will be disclosing too much.. and what if they wouldn't think what i said was credible .. i can say it online now.. i feel that i am not pretty , and i am always not feeling that well. .i have stomach problems and a few others.. i t's just impossible to be in a relationship and i consciously know what it is that really makes me happy.. and that just wasn't included . i told me that i didn't want to knowhim better but still i couldn't tell if he has given up or not. . i was just being so honest.. later on ,  i have met another guy, this one being caucasian and younger in looks.. at first , i thought he was kind and everything, since he kindly asked me if i had the time.. and i said "sorrie i didn't " so he smiled and replied that it was okay. . then he started to come closer.. and asked me to sit down but i said  i didn't want to. . i knew at that moment that something was wrong again. . he was one of those who was trying to look for an asian girlfriend so he would say anything to make the girl happy.. he commented that i was lovely but i said that i wasn't at all. . and next, he asked me if i wanted to go on a date with him either to the beaches or the club .. and i said that i didn't want to . .then he took out a slip of paper and wrote his number on it and gave it to me.. i thought that was over.. since i accepted the paper and he would probably leave..but he didn't.. instead he immediately asked for my number and i said that i do not talk on the phone and also that i didn't want to have a boyfriend. .he started to smile and then i saw a disappointed look on his face.. then he looked up at me and said that one day, i would look back and regret that i haven't gone out with a caucasian guy , a nice one like him. .then he asked me if Tom Cruise asked me to go out on a date with him, will i accept it.. and when i said no, he got even more angry and moved away . .then he threw his bag on the ground and picked it up and i didn't know what happened.. i didn't even have the courage to look at him.. that was my story. . i was so scared at that moment. thank God, i am safe at home now.. but one of his sentences stuck on my mind even until now.. he said don't i ever think about romance or someone you love at night.. actually i do.. but i just can't have a boyfriend.. i am so absorbed with my own problems now.. it is enough to worry. .this entry is so long so i think it is a good time to end it here now.. have a nice and sweet dream everyone bai bai* * Personal http://hk.zorpia.com/sparklinsnobubbo/journal/375878 Wed, 16 Jun 2004 07:19 EST