raven78çš„ä¸»é

raven78çš„ä¸»é http://hk.zorpia.com/raven78 Wed, 23 Dec 2009 15:27 EST Wed, 23 Dec 2009 15:27 EST Zorpia.com Chances http://hk.zorpia.com/raven78/journal/1856496 How many chances must you give people till you find someone that doesnt screw you over or end up breaking a part of you each time. How many chances must you take in life till you find the right one that wont leave you  wishing you hadnt done it. Are you such a fool to trust people or just naive enough to believe in all the crap they blind you  with. Trust does become an issue when you feel like you can no longer share it with the people around you or those you meet, when you know people will do anything or say anything till they get what they want from you. In the end youre more angry at yourself for falling and for being so dumb. They say you  learn from your mistakes, yet you made so many you wonder why you havnt learnt your lesson, is it too difficult to see through it all. You realise that you are not the problem, they are. They are  cunning enough to know which buttons to press to get to you and they certaintly dont care if you get  hurt in the process. So in the end you know theres only one person you can depend on, and thats yourself for you know one way or another people will always let you down, until you give them a chance? Personal http://hk.zorpia.com/raven78/journal/1856496 Tue, 18 Nov 2008 16:06 EST mulan http://hk.zorpia.com/raven78/journal/1844535 It had started to rain and it was already getting dark so she was eager to reach her car. The streets were desserted and all you can hear is the clicking of her heals as she walked and the light rain falling down. Out of nowhere two hooded  male figures appeared walking a few paces behind her. She quickened her pace but she could still hear them close behind her, to make matters worse she had no idea where she was going. Today of all days she forgot where she parked her car and it seemed like she was going round in circles, until she came to a dead end. She turned around to go back and there she saw them, she could now see their faces but the way they looked at her wasnt so pleasant. Sencing her fear they moved closer to her and not knowing what to do she held out her bag and told them to take whatever they wanted. One of them grabbed the bag and threw it to the ground and they both started to laugh, and the other said "dont worry we will"......... Personal http://hk.zorpia.com/raven78/journal/1844535 Sat, 11 Oct 2008 18:46 EST mistake http://hk.zorpia.com/raven78/journal/1835831 For as long as i know ive always been fearful of your gaze, your stare, your opinion. I could see the hatred in your eyes, and even as a child i knew i was diffrent from the others. Your harsh words were more painful than a stab in the back, but I learnt to deal with it, just like i did with everything else. At that time i thought it was normal and that i shouldnt take it personal and that you had every right to treat me that way. Was it right? Was it so wrong to show affection, or to show you actually gave a damn? Or did it make you feel so good about yourself?  Years i tormented myself with  questions but i never dared ask for fear of the replies. I made excuses in my head for you and so i  blamed myself so i wouldnt loathe you, and at times i did, but i can never truly hate you. I was your biggest mistake, the mistake that talks, the mistake that reminds you of your past, and the mistake you wished you got rid of, and i wish you had for i wouldnt have gone through such misery. I learnt to forgive you but i can never forget the memories, so im trying to build new ones where you are not in them. Im grateful to you for you made me grow up and not take everything for granted, and im also grateful you gave me life , and so i`ll always be in debt to you, but dont ever justify yourself to me cos we both know its too late. Personal http://hk.zorpia.com/raven78/journal/1835831 Thu, 11 Sep 2008 16:51 EST use me http://hk.zorpia.com/raven78/journal/1834726 You think you know me, know what makes me tick yet you have no idea what im really like. The me you see is the one i choose to show you, the other side of me, the less vunrable side. You think you can use me and push me about and then discard me when youre done playing with me, like you would do with a toy. But has it ever occured to you that i have feelings and even though i might not show them to you, im slowly dying inside. As time goes by i feel like im growing cold inside and theres an emptyness i cannot ever seem to fill. Do i fill them up with the ideas you give me, the false hopes and desires that you promise me for tomorrow  that eventually turn to dust in the end. Im in a dark hole that i wanna get out of but dont know how, i want you to save me yet you push me back inside, even deeper. Cos as much as i want to believe it all i know its all just bullshyt. Was happy to be used, in fact thats the only way i knew i pleased you, just to have you with me knowing your full intentions. I turned whatever feelings i had left off, cos they always fahked things up and id eventually end up wanting more. how can i expect more from someone like you, i dont deserve it. So use me, play with my feelings, hurt me any way you prefer, for you know this is the only life i know. The ONLY way i know Personal http://hk.zorpia.com/raven78/journal/1834726 Sun, 07 Sep 2008 12:29 EST fallen angel http://hk.zorpia.com/raven78/journal/1831677 Sometimes i wish i had never seen you, seen the look in your eyes when you look at me, seen how mad you can be or how sweet and adorable you can become. I curse you for you have invaded my thoughts and my dreams, for you have captured everything in me that no other person has ever had... my heart. The longing to be with you and have you all to myself even for a few minutes gives me butterflies in my stomach. I hate the way you make me feel, so weak, needy and emotional. Although i love how you made me feel so special but somehow i know its a phase youre going through. Letting you go was the hardest because with every day that passes the more my feelings will grow, i did what  i thought was best for the both of us even though i regret it. Having someone so diffrent and yet so similiar amazes me. If there was one thing i could keep in this world it would be my memory of you, for you are my fallen angel. Personal http://hk.zorpia.com/raven78/journal/1831677 Tue, 26 Aug 2008 09:22 EST