禮物
你可以做第一個送禮物給我的人!
現在就送禮物給我吧!
資料
個人
- 個人簡介:Chilled out and laid back random girl. Love to have fun and having a laugh. Help people in need and making them happy. I'm into adventure and trying new things :) I love nature and enjoy a relax day and night near the sea...
- 興趣愛好:Dancing (Hip Hop), music, art, partying, hair, adventure...
- 喜歡的書:P.S. I love you
- 旅行過的地方:Italy, France, Spain, Wales, England, Katanja, Gozo, Kemuna :p
- 我在尋找:Un-stressful people hehe
約會
查看全部7個人頭像個人頭像
網誌
2006年5月19日 上午11點01分34秒Füññ¥ Jõkè§
$500 to Drop Your Towel
A woman is just getting out of the shower when the doorbell rings. Her husband, heading to the shower himself, asks her to see who's at the door, so she wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands her next-door neighbor, Rob. Before she can say a word, Rob says, "I'll give you $500 to drop that towel you have on."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel. He looks for a few seconds, hands her $500, and leaves with a big smile on his face.
Excited about her earnings, the woman puts the towel back on and runs upstairs. Her husband yells out from the shower, "Who was that?" "It was Rob from next door," she replies.
"Great," the husband says. "Did he say anything about the $500 dollars he owes me?" 
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Sperm Count
An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said,
"Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave
him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained:
"Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing.
Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand,
then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth,
first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing.
We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too,
first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried
squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep. And no matter what we tried,
we still couldn't get the jar open."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tongue Twisters
If a bra is an
upper topper titty flopper stopper,
and a jock strap is a
lower decker pecker checker,
and a roll of toilet tissue is a
super duper doody pooper scooper,
what do you call a Japanese drummer boy
whose father has diarrhea?
A slap happy Jappy with a crap happy pappy.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Redneck & the Dog in Heat
On a hot summer day, a redneck cowboy came riding into town on his horse with his dog following. He tied the horse and dog under the shade of a tree and went into the bar for a cold beer.
About 20 minutes later a policeman came into the bar and asked who owned the dog tied under the tree. The redneck cowboy said that it was his. The policeman said, "Your dog seems to be in heat." The redneck cowboy replies, "No way dog's in heat; he's cool cause I got'im tied under the shade of the tree." The policeman says, "No! you don't understand; your dog needs to be bred." No way", the redneck cowboys says, "dog don't need bread, he's not hungry, cause I fed him beef jerky this mornin". Now the policeman gets mad and yells out; "NO! You don't seem to understand, your dog wants to have sex!"
The redneck cowboy looks at him and says, "Go ahead. I always wanted a police dog!" 
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Three Old Men
Three men were discussing aging at the nursing home. "Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old. "You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out."
"Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't even crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"
"Actually," said the 80-year-old, "eighty is the worst age of all."
"Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old.
"No, not really. I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock: no problem at all." said the 80-year-old.
"Do you have trouble crapping?" asked the 70-year-old. "No, I crap every morning at 6:30." the older man responded.
With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what's so tough about being 80?"
"I don't wake up until 7:00!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit
Mr. bear and Mr. rabbit didn't like each other very much. One day, while walking through the woods, they came across a golden frog. They were amazed when the frog talked to them. The frog admitted that he didn't often meet anyone, but, when he did he always gave them six wishes.
He told them that they could have three wishes each. Mr. bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish. Mr. rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately and the rabbit put it on. Mr. bear was amazed at Mr. rabbits choice, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were female as well, and the frog granted his wish. Mr. rabbit then asked for a motorcycle.
It appeared before him and he got on it and started revving the engine. Mr. bear could not believe it and complained that Mr. rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself.
Shaking his head, Mr. bear made his final wish, that all the bears in the world were female leaving him as the only male bear in the world. The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. rabbit for his last wish. Mr. rabbit revved the engine, thought for a moment, then said, "I wish that Mr. bear was gay!" and rode off as fast as he could.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Big Date
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Mean Trick
| This guy walks into a bar on the top of a very tall building. He sits down, orders a huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out. Five minutes later, the guy walks into the bar again, orders another huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out again. Five minutes later, he re-appears and repeats the whole thing. About half an hour later, another guy at the bar stops the first guy and says, "Hey, how the heck are you doing that?!" The first guy responds, "Oh, it's really simple physics. When you chug the beer, it makes you all warm inside and since warm air rises, if you just hold your breath you become lighter than air and float down to the sidewalk." "WOW!" exclaims the second man, "I gotta try that!" So he orders a huge beer, chugs it, goes over to the window, jumps out, and splats on the sidewalk below. The bartender looks over to the first man and says, "Superman, you're a real asshole when you're drunk." |
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Science Experiment
Little Johnny watched the science teacher
start the experiment with the worms.
Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a jar of sperm.
The fourth worm was put into a jar of soil.
After one day, these were the results:
The first worm in alcohol - dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke - dead.
The third worm in sperm - dead.
The fourth worm in soil - alive.
So the Science teacher asked the class -
"What can you learn from this experiment?"
Little Johnny quickly raised his hand and said,
"As long as you drink, smoke and have sex,
you won't have worms!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2007年2月17日 9:10hye gurl!
rock on!