網誌
2006年12月6日 下午10點12分50秒Reflecting
Knowing what was to come in the beginning but the naivity of oneself rejects the words.
Tears about to fall as you try to tug through the workday.
Not eating from yesterday 9pm to the next day and the day after.
December 2nd, and then the 3rd, not a single piece of food has pass those tunnels.
Then on the 4th she awakes and yet she hopes and wishes, but in the end those words oneself rejects are the purist of all words.
Haven't eaten, she told the supervisor she'll leave early tonight because her heart aches and bitterly broken.
Her acids eating at her chest.
She sits at the computer screen not knowing how to feel anymore.
'brother, goodnight'
Those are the last words she wants to say and probrably won't be the last to be said.
But it doesn't matter does it?
But then again, no one is really sure if it matters if she'll ever speak again.
Begging to get a chance, but got rejected again and again.
She deserves it.
This is what we call a bittersweet symphony.
Very dramatic yet bitter to the end, and the IRONY of it all.
"It's a bittersweet symphony of life..."
-life will go on-
Will a heart failure let a person live on?
It is funny how both party has heart illnesses, yet one seems more severe than the other.
Yet no one will know which person is more severe, only God knows.
She stars into the LCD panel, eyes blurred, heart broken, hungry; perverted.
-life will go on-
Yet every second seems to take a part of her, and now the maivity that rejects her makes her head swell.
It spins and swells again. And she only think of drinking after she gets off. But the funny part is she doesn't even care.
Should we call this girl stupid? Should we call this girl dumb? Should we call her sweet? Unself-fish?
She's none of those.
She's not stupid, she's not dumb, she isn't sweet and she's self-fish.
Plunged into love and beaten by her fate, she feels defeated for the first time in life.
She lost everything, her family, her time, and now her heart.
She comforts herself in saying she has a brother.
What good does a brother do?
She thought about the fond man.
Yet she doesn't seem to care about him either.
She loved these two men yet she hates them dearly.
But we should assume that she hates them 'cause she hates herself.
So much pride in that little thing.
So much hate.
So much love.
Lost of fate.
Lost of destiny.
Lost of oneself.
She cries at night over the lost...
She mourns for herself.
-life will go on-
Once you reflect in the things you do.
Life will go on.
You might not be any happier, might not be any younger.
You can only live.