網誌
2008年11月18日 上午4點28分53秒where am i?
i don't know wt's going on in my head... if i don't think about u, i m absolutely fine! so fine that i think i can afford losing u forever...
but i keep thinking about u... it's not even missing - just, merely, thinking through and through... wt would be best for us? wt would be best for u?... i m tired of thinking now; i've written down how i feel n i've sent it through... it's up to u wt to do with it...
i wish for the best for u, that's it! no more and nothing else...
2008年11月4日 上午4點18分08秒-stop-
i m really trying to identify an emotion that's running through me right now.
no, it isn't pain - it isn't sadness either... or i wanted to be sad but my tears won't fall and i kept telling myself it's not sth to cry for~ afterall, it's only a minor change.
no, it isn't emotionless - i know there's sth burning in my heart but it's just burning right there, deep inside... i can't let it go, i can't control it, i am screaming but i m not; why should i?
no, it isn't guilt - if it was guilt than i hv been guilty all along... but it's about both of us right? we don't want this to happen... but this has happened for a reason - and we are trying to find out wt it is... before it's too late.
yes, i can feel it now. it's not an emotion, not one that can be described by words... but the image of blankness - it's only my surface that is functioning, i can't work on the inside coz sth is missing...
u know wt i will do? i will stop thinking about it, or analysing it... but just let it flow~ if i cry, i will let myself cry (only under the circumstances that no one can see me)... just stop, as u said, stop for a while; i don't know wt is happening next, i doubt if i m seriously considering to think about it... but i think my heart will stop for now too.