網誌
2008年3月26日 下午4點59分22秒my weird but wonderful dream...
i dreamt of all those who were n are in burgess hill last night, all those who i loved n love... from janette, evangeline, my sister, to carmen, deboarh n kary, to tracey, vanessa n angela... all of us were in the boarding house together! although the structure of the building has changed, all the rooms were lined up with glass windows...
how many tears n goodbyes have i spead across the years in burgess hill? how many of my good fds have departed?... n i started to wonder, everyone seemed to have moved on to their new lives... news have been heard (though rather seldomly) from these precious fds...
n i, even though i m physically still in burgess hill, somehow i became heartless to all the changes around me... it seems that my heart have already moved on too~ not that this place is meaningless to me, but all the changes it bared has both warmed n torn my heart....
my dearest fds,
wherever u are, let my heart be with u, n bless u with all my heart;
burgess hill,
a place i m about to depart - though u might face even more departments n songs we sing to say goodbye, let the spirit of fdship be with u, let this place be where everyone find their true fdships, which would last forever.
n i shall move on from this place, n follow something else.. my ambition perhaps - n maybe one day my dream will come true, all the fds i love will meet together, as the fds i always remember.... n we shall laugh n sing till the night dawn.... n we shan't part again, ever.
2008年3月20日 上午10點51分44秒somehow i c where she's coming from...
just remember sth that bei said to me... about the boarding house.. n how ironic is that? just as i read sth written by one fd, telling me how happy she is to be here, how all her fds are supporting her n that this would be her home forever.... another fd came up to me; n in complete contrast...
suddenly, i can c where bei was coming from... deep down in my heart, i love this boarding to pieces, i love how everyone is so united, i love how we are one big family... n i know it's still here - but only a small part now maybe... or just in our memories... even i find myself helpless to make it how it was again...
'where there is ppl, where there is ppl talking about one another...'
- i hv to admit that i became almost cold-hearted towards this line, i, isabella leung, is not even trying to change this anymore... all i can do is use my little strength to tell ppl to hv faith, believe in themselves, think about the others.... but deep inside me, i know that this boarding is no longer the harmonious place that i first lived in... somehow i even thought that, if i were to leave a few years ago, i would feel terrible, i would cry; but i don't think i would now... perhaps just abit bitter when i think about some ppl here, but i don't think i would cry, not really - not for the tiring rumours i've heard, not for the tears from the eyes of my fds - my belief is still there... but it is limited as to how big an impact it can be...
the decade of that sense of amtosphere which i once felt when i was smaller, it's no longer there... where i consider home would probably just be the memories, of way way back - when i was still small, when i was masked away by the cruelty of the reality... somehow everybody needs to see the fact - yes, i see this as a fact now, n the only way to deal with it is to face it with the right attitude... not being part of it, but just be myself...
still, i hope that it would change again, but i don't think i will be able to see it when i m here.
this is life, life is sometimes rather ironic.... still, most of it is merely a challenge for my heart, soul and faith. as for my dearest fds, i might not be strong enough to influence u, but plz consider ur actions and words b4 u do them - think about the feeling of a heart-break.
2008年3月10日 下午1點56分43秒just one of those days again...
u know sometimes when u are really excited about sth... that lift u up n make u put everything into it, completely devoted to it... sth that u would first think of when u get up... but then once that is over, ur mind just completely slip over to somewhere else...
just as les mis is over, i m hving one of those confusing minds again... perhaps it's just me, making up things to think about, questioning about events n ppl around me... i think my suspense is getting too much that it even depresses me when i realise it...
but, o well... it's just one of those days when u think ur world is completely upside down.... even the normality becomes the opposite... nth seems right~ n then u'd realise it's actually urself who's gone abit upside down....
ok... just need a little laying down, typing up this strange feeling on zorpia maybe... find a place to chill out... n just get on with my life...
OK! let's just do it, bring myself back on....^^