網誌
2007年4月28日 下午5點57分41秒hmm...
Sunday [ 29/04/07]-1.50am
ok...from what ive mentioned las time...
u cannot judge me from what i feel....
cause ppl change often...mb today i like it..n den da nxt day i dun like it anymore..
life is unpredictable....i am so traumatized...
so funny to see theres such many ppl go around mixing with you but stab u at ur bac..
n theres some fren dat owes like to pretend they understand u so much...
n wen u begin to act nt like urself...they wil say " wads wrong wif u?"
or hate u....cos u hav change....i dun like it wen ppl set wad u shud b like...
n thers some fren , hu owes misunderstood wad u say n wad u do...its reali pathethic..
i wonder does soul mate reali exist...[ dry laugh ]...huh...
mis someone..mis d voice n laughter we used to hav...
im looking for a soul mate....
2007年4月27日 上午6點59分00秒Walao...faint...
Friday[27/04/07]-2.50pm
walao....faint....why things always hapened like that???
is this called "fate"??? do u guys believe in fate??
im so so so kek tiok rite now..!! feel like banging my head to d walls!!
feel so distraught now...wow..@@
at 1st..i attend tis kind of activities bcos of him.....
but hu noes he din show up...so i tot he din go....
so i as well go hom lo...but hu noes!!...
aftr i cal my dad to pick me...he show up later...he was late..
Faint!!! so sad n veli kek tiok!! if nt actually i can meet him 2day...haihz...
tis is nt d 1st time...d othr times is wif anthr person...
same thing hapen...wow...so sad!
ini memang takdir....=.=
2007年4月21日 上午5點31分04秒wow...so frustrated...
Haihz...
so so so frustrated...am i a bad guy or wad? evryone turning away frm me...
y i owes put myself into a bad position?? im so so so damn stupid!!
joining adult wasnt my intention at all....if u say by force...yeah..dats quite true...
suddenly my name is out in d committee list..wow..startled n confused...
so i just walk on my path just like that cos i nvr tot abt d consequenses.....
many ppl misunderstood me...
cos las time i vow dat i wont join adult....
but now wad...u see me in adult n angry cos i din keep my words....
owh..my god!! u guys start building barriers btwn us...
suddenly feel so left out....no one to talk to...no one to share too...
no one exactly know...no one....know dat y i stil in adult....
aftr so much conflict n disappointment...wif no frenz...
all my batch de frenz all din join adult...y am i d one stil stupidly stay???
y??? y???? y???? d problem is i dont even noe myself...im somehow searching a way..
a way to....argh..duno hw to explain...
im so soree guys!! so soree!! if is dat my position dat make u guys dun trust me anymor...
im so soree..!! i hop we cud play n hav fun like las time....jokin ard wif no mask...no fake!!
im so soree for makin u guys feel uncomfortable....im so soree !!
i din noe d way i act make me lose mor frenz dat reali treasures me as frenz.....
i feel mor upset rite nw...take d competiton for example...
wad responsibility n bla bla bla...all fake!!
i feel like i was bein used..manipulated in othr words...destroyin my frenzship....
i dun hav any frenz...wad i mean true frenz in sja ANYMORE...
some certain ppl....i wana b frenz wif dem...but they manipulated me...
i dont even noe if they ever treat me as frenz...
don tel me im askin too much...
don tel me im thinkin too much cos evrything i say its true...
i cried just now..cried so hard..while chatting wif one of dem....feel so hurt...hurts like hell...
cos im somehow turning into a bad person....frm d way she said it...
i dont want to b a bad guy....i was trying my best to make othr ppl satisfied,,,
but im doin it worse den ever...evrything turn worst...am i wrong??
cud someone tel me?? wad am i suppose to do??
im so sick of it...feel so sick...dun ask y...
ARRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
tis is my feeling n my opinion at da moment...u cannot judge me frm wad i feel....
mb im wrong or mb ur rite..
mb im askin too much..or...mb im havin too little....
mb nxt time u see me...i will nvr b the same anymore....
hurt + sick + pain....cudn't bear it..my fragile heart-torning apart....
2007年4月20日 上午8點13分14秒Im in gay~
wow...yeah~ friendship is just so amazing!!
i really like it...huh...feel myself like a dumb las time...
all da conflict n misunderstanding doesnt mean anything at all...
what matters is now!! hahaz...
feel so glad that i stil have a bunch of gud friends...
i always needed time on my own...
i never thought that i'd need you there when i cried...
sometimes, theres no need of pretending....
pretending is so so so tired.....hahaz..
why not just lose control n forget everything??
im in gay....theres long time i din feel like nw....
today's quote: It's hard wait around for something that you know might never happen.
But it's even harder to give up especially when it's everything you ever wanted!!
4.15pm- i wish im doing the right choice.
2007年4月19日 下午3點21分56秒Suckz!!
Thursday-[19/04/07] 10.30pm
Life is getting so miserable recently...
wow....i dont even know miserable tis word deserve me or nt...
everything that happens are all beyond my comprehension...
lotsa thousand "why" appear merely every single moment in my brain....ugh...
hate this kind of feeling...suckz..!!!
why he wanna do tis? why she wanna act like that? why things become so hard?
why is HE making me hurt??? why?!!
why i care so much???!!
suddenly feel so empty and bewildered...like my life is a total mistake...*sigh*
i know i dont have a wide range of relationship..
my public relation is much poor then u know...durr...
im living my best to make everyone happie....but as though i ve made a mistake..
wad for im doin this? i mean d onli returns is upset n disappointed feelings...
haih....
**** things turn so dreadful when i sign into msn messenger just now...
there's one guy, which i duno who he reali is, actually inviting me to view webcam..
suckz..i think he is some kind of sex maniac or pervert or anything!!
he was askin me to view him doin sexual arousal...suckz..!!
i have made a bit boob for accepting to view it at first,
which i dont even know he would do this kind of stuff...suckz!!
with no second thought i quickly deleted this contact...my god.@@
Now wad...my brother go tel my folks that i actually viewing something censored..
This is so funny man, funny when people misinterpret wad u actually doing....
feel so lonely when there's no one by ur side just simply understand n support u...
humph...mb im asking too much...i mean wad am i ?? never deserve things like that...
*| money issue|*
well...im nt rich....im nt poor too...but i just dont understand why my parents always wanna make me guilty?? aihz.....dunno how to explain....
In this realistic society, what matters is being rich....
This remembered me of my oral assessment.."having good education VS having money"
haih...money concerns almost everyone til they dont even realize what they actually doin...
so sad....
11.30pm-im so moody now...