網誌
2004年11月14日 上午12點42分19秒November 13, 2004 Saturday Almost two...
November 13, 2004 Saturday
Almost two weeks after Fall Conference, I can still see God's grace upon me. The addiction has stopped for 3 weeks! Let it go for a month and even more!!!
But struggle is still there. There are three big crisis coming near: 1)Statistics Exam (Can't be lower than 90!!!), 2)The Piano Class Handbook Project, 3)The increasing drive of temptations...... Guys, you know what I am talking about.
I will not let the addiction reign over me and enslave me again. This is the last chance. If I constantly give away myself and fall in the dirt, even after a strong spiritual renewal and recomfirmation of my faith, what else can be done?
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Today, the CCA group went for delicious Chinese food in Penn State. What a new experience!
Every thing in Penn. State is huge. When we drive in through the main entrance of university, the group of buildings appears to me like a castle. The shops, stores and restaurants are crowded with mostly young people along the whole avenue! The Chinese noodles is awesome(and cheap!), compared to those crappy buffet in Peking Garden and China King.
But I still like Bucknell more. Over here, I can have close relationships with classmates and professors. The academic, intellectual and spiritual atmosphere is also much better.
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Praying for the discernment tomorrow..... Lord, may your best servants, according to your will, be elected and contribute the best to your congregation!
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Almost the time to contact Ed Smith's family for dinner stuff, the Christmas plan and the Joshua Conference with Kaley too!
2004年11月7日 下午9點17分50秒November 7, 2004 Sunday It is a week right...
November 7, 2004 Sunday It is a week right after the unforgettable Fall Conference...... During this week, there have been lots of experiences of sadness, frustration, happiness and joy. I have known much more things, ideas and people which I haven't known before. Interestingly, they are not from books, but encountering them in daily life. It was a painful process, but it made me grow. It was confusing and somehow loss of focus, but it makes me have a deeper life. Thanks God and all the people with me in this week! Music History exam is coming tomorrow. Lots of work and a huge project on Bucknell Piano Class Handbook is pressing too. No doubt that it is going to be tough. But now, I know how to prepare for them, to overcome them with God, but not let the work overtake me. Without the hardest pressing, grapes won't become the finest wine. Lord, may your appropriate pressing, just like blessing, be put upon me! Piano Stuff I practiced lots of piano during Friday and Saturday. I have not been enjoying so much of it for such a long time. The most amazing thing is that, after Wes's recital, the recital hall and piano is unlocked! It's such a pleasure to tingle that awesome instrument again...... Why can't I play all the time for regular practice? Why just let this artistic sound device be idle for such a long time, in the absolute darkness of recital hall??? WHY?! Anyway...... substantial process has been made because of abundant practice and watching that 5 videos about "injury-preventive" practicing skills. They are actually part of my research work on the communication class project, Bucknell Piano Class Handbook. The repetoire for my Junior recital, in general, is as follows: 1. Ravel: Pavane pour une infane defunte 2. (Two or three violin pieces with Tyler, if possible ^.^) 3. Beethoven: Piano Sonata No. 13, Op. 27, No. 1 4. Brahms: Intermezzo in A, Op. 118, No. 2 Two Rhapsodies, Op 79, No. 1-2 Can't wait for that day to come! I start to dream about how many people would come and see. For this time, however, I'll never let it be held at Thursday noon again!!
2004年11月5日 上午3點36分46秒November 4, 2004 Thursday Three special...
November 4, 2004 Thursday Three special events happened today. 1. Dinner time During dinner time, I just found that Caitlin and Colin read my diary. Thank you for your support! I really hope more friends would read this. As you may know, my Chinese tongue often gets stuck when trying to speak Anglo-Saxon syllables. I can express my feelings and thoughts much better with typing on the keyboard, just as I tingle my fingers on piano! ^.^ 2. In Well In today's Well, I saw Cynthia came. Although I look kind of cool and unaffected, I really feel so grateful about that in my heart. For those who see this, don't read it into other context ^.^...... In dorm study, Well or Rooke Chapel, I have expressed more than once that, how I eager to see the salvation of Jesus Christ, the Kingdom of God, comes upon the Asian community in Bucknell. I pray for this, and I always try to prepare myself for testimony with anyone of them when the appropriate time comes. I know that my character may not be that friendly or interesting, but I only know that Jesus loves them, so I need to show my love to them as well. So, my dear Asian fellows, if you have any questions about Christian faith, either Chinese of English, don't hesitate to talk to me. I may not be able to answer everything, but I just hope to hear your spiritual quest. 3. After Well Right after Well, I went back to Kress with Shawn and Rachel. When Rachel told me why Allison left early after her sharing in Well, I finally realize I thing: my situation is not the worst; I am not alone. Compared to a girl in History major (I can't remember what her second major is), who has 3 big papers on the roaster, a missed movie to catch up and write a 6-page paper, a bunch of obgligations (sports team? I am not sure), and in addition of these, the devotion of her precious time in Fall Conference and dorm study, and...... O Keami, how shameful should you be! Even interested in History like I am, three Keamis are not even able to finish all these tasks in time! How much should you criticize your low working efficiency! And how "heavy" is your workload! Allison, you will be doing well on all these things. You are stronger than lots of us, and more spiritual and experienced in faith than lots of us. I, as well as others fellows in this hall, will support you and pray for you! Good luck on the papers and you'll make it ^.^!
2004年11月2日 上午4點55分07秒November 1, 2004 Monday This entry is pretty...
November 1, 2004 Monday This entry is pretty unorganized. If you don't understand it, that's fine. The picture will be clearer as more journal entries are posted. A long period of struggle, retreat, more struggle, a awesome weekend, wonderful worship and friends, study, and even more struggles coming...... What are their purpose? For a Christian, the most important question in daily life is always this one: What are God's purposes on these things/events??? Just 24 hours before the CSCI and Greek exam, I was worshipping, praising, enjoying every moment with my friends and brothers and sisters in Christ. And 24 hours later, I was so depressed of how horribly I have done in exams. What a contrast is that...... After I left the exam room in Dana, 5 minutes after 10am, I walked slowly on the hallway, totally exhausted and depressed, head facing straight down on the floor. It would not be a good time to let my Christian friends see me like this. I walked towards the water-drinking fountain, while my eyes were almost going to have a flooding. Suddenly, a Chinese voice I knew very well (It's espeically powerful to me since it was my native language) appeared in my mind: 就是少年人也要疲乏困倦， 強壯的也必全然跌倒﹔ 但那等候耶和華的， 必從新得力。 他們必如鷹展翅上騰， 他們奔跑卻不困倦， 行走卻不疲乏。 （以賽亞書40:30-31） English translation: Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. The will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. (Isaiah 40:30-31) What's the purpose of all the toughness and difficulties? For a non-Christian, they are meaningless and don't even do any good at all. For me, however, they have purposes which we can see from a farther and broader spiritual insight, from the heavenly eyes, from the perspective of God. It also reminded me that faith is not just contained in energetic worships, wonderful Bible studies, messages and retreats, beautiful hymns and songs, and any kind of church-centered environment. Faith is the strongest in the midst of suffering and difficulties. It is the most powerful in daily lives with perseverence and steadfast. The hardships only strengthen and refine it, but won't destroy it. This is proved in the history of Christianity in Roman Empire and modern communist China. "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:2-4) Lord, thank you for reminding me that you are the one who gives blessings, joy and happiness as well as testings, difficulties, depression and sadness. I commit myself to love you and follow you all the time, for your will is way too good for us to imagine; your love is way too big for us to pay back. What can I do before you when I look weary, weak and get stuck in my brain memory? I can only come before you and ask for your help. My Lord the redeemer, the rock, the salvation! You will surely walk with me on every coming exam and test, however big they are! Amen!