網誌
2004年10月8日 上午5點51分22秒I have two special thoughts today. 1.)...
I have two special thoughts today. 1.) Friendship People can hardly understand me, and at the same time, I can hardly understand the Americans. No matter how I try to be funny, be open, be talkative, there's seem something hindering the relationship to go deeper and further. In the dorm study, Kelli said something which really hits the point: people around us today are always trying to seek happiness through the approval or admiration of others. They put their own values on how people see them, but not how God see them. The result is always the loss of joy, peace and positive self image. In my true feeling, my heart strongly concurs on this. Sometimes I feel a little bit uncomfortable when I see a huge group of people hanging around, laughing loudly and having fun. But who know that those who have the most friends actually may be the loneliest people? However, no matter how much I try to comfort myself with all this "great" thoughts, I can't stop my heart to not cease seeking for deeper relationship(both with human and God). Just as Pascal said, human hearts will never be satisfied until it finds a true, deep and loving relationship. GPA 4.00, waves of bravos in a piano recital, lots of money, a beautiful girlfriend, or even a bunch of common "friends", are not the substitute. Only a true, deep and loving relationship would work. This is the struggle which I have in the deepest part of my life. Perhaps it's my character(Indeed, I partly agree that I need to improve. My family used to say it's because I am too stubborn, too naive. I felt very upset and I strongly resist such comment. They actually just want me to be able to "socialize", to be favorable by everybody, to follow the crowd, to conform to what everybody thinks!! However, these are NOT the qualities which I really need to solve the problem.), or it's my cultural background, or others. I still remember being frustrated and tired at that time, I calmly told Ian that I felt quite difficult adjusting Rooke Chapel and the style of Committee(now the Ministry team). He replied, "Well...... when I was in India, I felt the same. International students usually have lots of common friends, but very few close buddies." I think that's the point. I am not greedy for many friends. Just one is enough for the whole college life to become enjoyable. Who can be? I don't know. But it would be pretty difficult to find one who is interested about whatever I think^.^ In lunchtime, Uche, noticing I was staring the ceiling, asked, "Keami, are you OK? You look very tired." "Oh, I'm fine. Just daydreaming." I replied. Uche, with her smiling and suspicious face, asked, "Hehe, who(She is refering a girl) are you daydreaming right now?" "Nobody," I said, "just when I was looking at the electrical light and blubs, I imagined if we were in a very strong and true Christian society, would there be an environment to faciliate these scientific advances, like electricity? People tend to think that faith and science conflict with each other, but is it possible to have great scientific achievements in a world of true Christian culture? I am just wondering about this." Apparently shocked(or confused), Uche said, "Wow...... that's really deep......" 2.) Worship I don't know why I feel like this. After going to the Well today, I really feel that I should write something. My thoughts may be a little bit too explicit, but it's true and sincere. What I worry is that worship is becoming more secular and human-centered. Beautiful, lovely songs are sung, and energetic bands arouse everyone's body, soul as well as "spirit". Feeling is emphasized. In the eyes of many non-Christians, "worship" is the equivalent of "relaxation", "fun" and "social". Indeed, I thought Intervarsity did a great job on the Bible studies program and the sermons/messages given every Thursday. But there can be also something to improve, to make the worship more balanced and God-centered. How many visitors/non-Christians would had their souls awakened, to be ready for further gospel messages, in the worship? How many of them really understand the true meaning of worship, a serious act of will to praise the Creator of Universe, Lord of Heaven and Earth? How many of them really know the meaning of becoming a Christian? Is it just receiving all kinds of goodies and blessings, or knowing God's plan on them personally? Or bearing their own crosses, suffering for the sake of Christ, facing all the temptations and persecutions from all sources, and submitting their will into God's global and universal plan? These questions are not only for Well, but also for Rooke Chapel, and worships and services around all the churches, including mine at home. They challenge us that who is the main character in the worship, God or men? Is our worship/service favorable by people, or by God? Is it biblical or not?
2004年10月3日 上午5點19分16秒October 2, 2004 Saturday This weekend will...
October 2, 2004 Saturday
This weekend will be crazy......
Today: After chatting in Deborah's and Rachel's room until 2am, this morning I was asleep until 11, then get up, lunch, piano practice, some CSCI Assignment 3(I don't think I really need a partner), then dinner and bowling. The frequent yelling of "YEAH!" and producing gutter balls(!_!) makes me so tired.
Tomorrow: Chapel and Ministry Team Meeting is a must, then Rehearsal for a small drama and perform it in CCA Moon Festival Party(Please come and see in at 5pm...... I will "marry" a Russian ΤA... Oh la la.....). Then lead Christianity 101 by myself, and finally, the most terrible of all, study for the First Greek Test --- The "eternal judgement" of Prof. Ham!!!
Let me repeat again: This weekend will be crazy......
2004年9月29日 上午12點32分56秒A short entry again...... The three of the...
A short entry again...... The three of the greatest enemies of a college student are: 1.) Tiredness: Sleeping 3 hours every day, or even less, for the whole week...... 2.) Procrastination: It is pretty hard to define, but let me describe it in this way: - Once you receive an assignment, you think, "Yeah! There are lots of time!"; - When there is only one day left, "I can definitely finish that tonight!"; - When one hour before due, "I can do it in lightening speed, don't worry!"; - When you already have no time, "Well, professor is nice, I can make it up sometime!" And this cycle goes on and on...... c.) "Love" Dreams: In a more elegant and musical term, it is also known as "Liebestraume" or "Reve d'amour". For me, the most devastating of all. It draws away your attention, wastes your time, blurs your focus on life, and pulls down your spirituality. I'll beat them down. They can't reign in my college life!
2004年9月25日 下午4點55分05秒September 25, 2004 Saturday Things have been...
September 25, 2004 Saturday Things have been going crazy the past week. I know that not just me, many friends around me are exhausted too. (Tyler has not slept in Wednesday night; Shawn has been really stressed up and frustrated, from what I knew in his profile; Dave is having a family emergency and rushed back to home during weekend...... I am so sorry for all of you !_! ) In tons of academic, social and interpersonal obligations, we may get lost of life goal in the mist of business. In continuous procrastinations, spiritual lows, sins, failures and frustration, we may feel we are just so little and so weak. We can't do anything...... But thanks God, as Christian, I can strongly proclaim my faith with assurance that we are not hopeless. These things are not going forever. Our lives will be strengthened after passing all the tests and enduring all the temptations. Through all the adverseries, God will work on our lives in ways we have never imagined before. Even the most dreadful, ultimate enemy of humanity --- Death, have been defeated by our Lord Jesus Christ who resurrected from the tomb of darkness, what enemy else are we still not able to overcome? My dear friends, no matter you are Christians or not, I just want to encourage you that, God is loving you (even when you don't know him!) intensely and continually. Try to turn away from the study, hw and exams before you (just a tiny moment! ^.^) and look through all your problems through the heavenly eyes, and you'll find a totally new perspective of your life. Try it, I am sure you'll enjoy it! Finally, I espeically address the following paragraphs to those who have not yet embraced the love of Christ (mostly students with Asian ethinicity and CCA fellows). Christians are not a group of crazy guys and gals who only know about some sort of "Rock 'n Roll" worship (as you may hear in Intervarsity), or those mentally-fragile people who needs some kind of spiritual imaginations to relieve their pain in daily lives. They are the blessed people who really know what the true, ultimate purpose of life is. They have inner joy, hope and peace which can never be taken by anybody. They may fail, but will not be defeated; they may be defeated, but will not lose forever. They don't try to evade the adverseries and suffering in their lives, but they embrace them and live with them, just like Christ embraced the heavy cross to enter his glory. Why do they act like these? Because they have a solid foundation in their hearts, which is made of the purest Gold. Even the most fierce fire, the most powerful gust, the most threatening flood, cannot make it collapse or even shake a little bit. Do you have this solid foundation? If you don't have it, I will be very willing to show it to you.
2004年9月17日 上午2點57分49秒Today's entry will be pretty short because...
Today's entry will be pretty short because of the demanding Greek translations......
This Thursday is just like any other Thursday: class for Technical Communication in the morning, then work in TechDesk and meeting with Chinese food, then Comp Sci Lab with the assignment gracefully completed on time(Yay! I don't miss that anymore!), then a CCA meeting (I am so sorry that the ladies committees members are kind of messed up on the activities and ideas ^.^ The boys should claim more reponsibilities.....)
The climax of every Thursday is always Well - a time to praise God and listen to his words into my heart. The last song is so great and encouraging:
"I am trading my sorrows,
I am trading my shame,
I am laying them down for the joy of the Lord......"
For the Joy of The Lord! May the Lord always remind me that he provides hope and joy for me, no matter how difficult is the situation, and how complex is the people, and how low is my spirit. He is the source of revival - All the time!