網誌
2004年9月16日 上午6點01分55秒September 16, 2004 Thursday Perhaps it is...
September 16, 2004 Thursday
Perhaps it is the time to pick up my diary again......
Coming the 3rd year in college, 5th semester, I suddently find that time passed so quickly, without being noticed.
I still remember when two years ago, I sent out the letter replying the acceptance to Bucknell, I prayed. I put my decision of studying in US to God, firmly believing that he would lead me and guide me.
But now, a even greater challange, a decision even harder to make, is coming near as the time passes. Should I go back to Hong Kong, or stay here, or go somewhere after graduation? Can I still adjust to a crowded city which I have left to a college in a middle-Pennsylvania town for 4 years? Should I find a job, go to graduate school, or do some other things? Unlike the friends around me, I am not a US citizen or Pemanent Resident, and that means much more limited choices, and much higher difficulty.
A mixed feeling, between my distant home and my college, comes up in my mind...... I can't describe that with my limited words......
Many people may not understand how perplexing it is. I should always remind myself that my future way of life is so different. Few people in Bucknell has walked on the way which I am walking now. I should always remind myself that my future is so unclear and unpredictable, unless it is in the hands of God. I should always remind myself that my goal in these 4 years is find out what is God's plan on me, and what does he want me to do, in any way, to fulfill his will and glorify him. That's always my ultimate goal regardness of my daily mood, situation, or spirituality.
However, my mind seems not listening to my inner heart very well, and often trying to find its own way to fulfill all kinds of dreams and desires. My strong desire (I am not sure if it is sinful or just natural, but I am pretty sure that it is very inappropriate right now) pushes me to find a girl, have a date, and enjoy the intimate relationship from it. It also gives me many wonderful daysdreams and imaginations, wishing to have a beautiful, lovely "Christian" girl. These targets of dreams have never ceased to appear: in Chapel, in Intervarsity, in Bible Study, in Greek Class, in Music Building, in Orchestra, in......
Perhaps, at this time, I should strongly, seriously reaffirm to myself that I AM DIFFERENT. I don't mean that I am more pieous or superior than they are, but my situation and destiny is just different. I have more important goals in Bucknell, and these dreams are just too virtual to happen. (Don't think about playing piano for your "most dear" in a recital anymore......) How can I walk with a companion for my lifetime without knowing exactly my own goal, knowing where am I walking to? How can I share my inmost part - my faith - to my closest partner without first strengthen and deepen my faith enought, in love, wisdom and also maturity?
Somebody may say I am getting really crazy, but I am not afraid to open my heart totally to my Lord, without leaving any secrets, hidden places and sins inside:
Lord, if possible in your will,
take away my desires which enslave me,
take away those unrealistic dreams which deceive me,
take away the tensions from these which torture me,
and Lord, if possible in your absolute holiness,
take away everything which hinders my will to seek you and your will, no matter how tough and painful it is.
In Jesus name, Amen!
2004年8月22日 下午9點31分04秒2004年8月13日 星期五 曾經 踏遍路
2004年8月13日 星期五
曾經 踏遍路途千萬里
途中 跌到過 攀不起
無望的心感困累 全然交瘁
無助身軀早已沒有力氣
徬徨中 遇見熱誠的膀臂
人潮中 踫到您 多驚喜
前路即使千尺浪 得您在身旁
縱使呼呼風雨 仍覺甚美
能在絕望孤單中 偶然遇到您
是我根本不配受的福氣
來日禍困迎面 滿途挑戰
能贈我勇氣 完全是您
(年月縱過去 未忘掉您)
August 13, 2004 Friday
After some time for computer and Brahms in the morning, I go out to Kwai Fong for a very modest lunch, then meet Kyle to enjoy some reading in Logos bookstore. I know that my little brother is not that interested in "hard solid" and scholastic spiritual books, so I show him "Christian comics". As first, I don't believe that serious and philosophical topics can be deliberated in such a superficial and playful way. As I read them by myself, well...... it's not that bad as I have expected. Perhaps, for most youths and some people, graphical presentations are more approachable for them. Just as Paul said, in whatever kind of people, be whatever kind of person.
After taking gifts from HSBC and spending money for my brother in HMV (I wonder if it is worthy......), I must go back for Gabriel Cell Group in 30 mins. So, for the purpose of my Lord, I took taxi from TY station to EXACTLY the main entrance of TYAC, so as to arrive EXACTLY on time. Woo...... thanks God.
In the meeting, Lam Sing(Matt) lead us to praise God. The first hymn "A coincidental Suprise (direct translation from Chinese)", as I remember, is one of the two hymns which made me tears all over my face. The first one is "Amazing Grace". I sang it when I became Christian 4 years ago. There is a common between these two hymns: they reminded me of God's wonderful love and grace from the moment that I confessed and believed, to this present moment, and to the end of the world! Under his love, I will always renew and revive my heart in him, with knowledge, wisdom, compassion and maturity.
Here I try to translate that lovely hymn with my badly limited vocabulary, for readers from US:
"A Coincidental Surprise"
And thousands of miles I used to travelled,
and on the way, I fell and not able to climb.
The hopeless heart is so tired, and totally exhausted;
the helpless flesh has run out all the strength.
In the mist, I meet your warm arms,
in the crowd, I meet you and filled with surprise.
Even huge waves on my way, you are at my side;
even strong gusts and storms, I still feel blessed!
Coincidentally meeting you in helplessness and loneliness,
is the greatest blessing which I don't worth to have.
So no matter how much the difficulties and challenges,
it is totally you who grant me the strength to overcome!
(So even days and years pass, I will not forsake you!)
2004年8月12日 上午2點51分00秒2004年8月12日 星期四 日記式開張
2004年8月12日 星期四
日記正式開張了! 請各位好友抽空參觀一下啦!
August 12, 2004 Thursday
Keami's journal is officially established! Please spend some time to take a look and leave a message. Thanks!