網誌
2006年1月20日 上午4點09分37秒Why?
Why do I come to Bucknell? Why am I in InterVarsity? Why do I fly from far away and spend four years in this nowhere place?
I lose hope. After a brief rapture of excitement and merriness, everything grows dark again and what is left is mere emptiness and sorrow.
I am lonely. I can never get into their culture, their world, no matter how much I try. I am an outsider.
Why make friends? Why play around shallow humor and meaningless conversations? Why not just be anti-social? Why not just be by myself?
Why dream for relationship? Why wander in mind for fantasies?
Why pretend that I am fine? Why keep an image of faith as solid as rock while I am actually full of unbelief? Why not just follow the world?
But Lord, you created me. You love me and died for me. Why?
Why is it so painful to be your follower? Why must I deny myself and bear all these burdens? What should I really deny? What should I really bear? Who am I when I do these? Christ indeed dwells in me and lives through me, but then who am I?
Oh Lord, where are you amid all these turmoils?