網誌
2006年1月12日 下午3點02分20秒Calmness in the midst of the storm......
January 12, 2006 Thursday
In Waveland, Mississippi
As I kept driving during Christmas break, the trip came out that Brittany couldn't host me, so it was kind'of meaningless to pass by Gretchen's house as well. After having several most wonderful days of this break with Stacusa and Bender, I headed back to Lewisburg, prematurely.
Then I fell into my little world again, struggling to find meaning, purpose and purity. In spite of Ed Smith family and Tom & Jamie's heart-warming hospitality, I was poor and hungry, in every aspect of life.
After a few days of rest, it came more driving: all the way down through that narrow, scary I-476 by myself and picked up Matt in Philly. Some reminiscence of the people, places and events during that six weeks, which totally transformed my life: downtown Philly, Spirit & Truth, Ayuda, the kids...... looking back to the present self, I am lost...... Where am I heading to right now? Will I follow the steps of Ben, who is also a CS major? Where is my root of life?
Then everybody, about whom I struggled in my heart, showed up. It was expected and yearned for, I admit, shamefully or not. However, it was such a confusing and perplexing time. Everything got stirred up, and I almost lost control on myself...... how could I spend the next seven days with them? I would probably get crazy.
Then, in the midst of the storm, a sudden calmness appeared. Through the eye of the hurricane, I could look up and see the clear blue sky, just like what Waveland had probably experienced four months ago. It was deeply inspiring, breath-taking and transcending, up to the highest star in the sky, the most powerful heat of the flame. They -- however beautiful, charming, attractive -- are not important anymore. The down-to-earth labor, dusty hands, muddy feet, exhausted joints and muscles showed that we are mere flesh, prosper in a while, then wither and we are no more. The deceptive imaginations are finally revealed.
Lord, thank you. Show me yourself in the midst of the storm.