2005年4月12日 下午10點26分51秒Piano recital coming in 12 days! As my...

Piano recital coming in 12 days!

As my greatest personal event is approaching, it would be great to look back my past recital in April 15, 2004, and all had happened since that time.

My last recital was not really good.  First, the timing (Thursday 12noon) was absolutely bad.  I remembered there were about a little bit more than 9-10 people, scattered around the hall.  It was just pain to my heart when I heard the recording of applauses, which was almost an ironic joke to this serious event with all my hard dedication and performance.  The pieces were bad, as most of them were short, it lacked the length, scale and complexity of my ideal piano recital.  The only good thing I can say is that it was my first time performing experience ever to run through the whole program by myself - a very humble, insignificant beginning of all the later performing experiences.

Time has passed quickly.  All the memoirs and mental pictures of the past year --- the very lovely, wonderful girl in Music Building going to graduate, going back to Hong Kong and argue badly with Mom, then traveling around the world with parents and more bad fights on the way, and to the culmination when the relationship between my parents and my brother were almost torn apart during the graduation ceremony in Holy Cross, which should originally be a joyful gathering.  Are all parents in the world so difficult to deal with?  Or as I am growing from the stage of childhood/teenage to adulthood, the parent-children relationsip are not the same anymore?  Perhaps...... I am going to an unknown world with new relationships which I need to handle with new ways?

After the trip, I stayed in Hong Kong and enjoy a regular period of mandatory, crazy daily swimming and computer courses.  The time is especially confusing when I travelled to Taiwan by myself and visited two friends, and stupidly showed many explicit signs of affection and love to a girl I used to cherish franatically.  Looking back, it was the most silly thing I have ever done.  Why don't I trust that God will give me the best one, and instead seek one which is not for me?  It seems that if I disappear from her circle of life, she won't even notice that!

Back to Hong Kong, and have some quiet time until the TYAC summer camp in early August.  It was a wonderful experience, reminding all my spiritual friends (eg. Lam Sing, fellows in Gabriel......) and how God loved and protected me all the time, since the journey had begun at August 18, 2000.  The card of dedication is still put on my desk, pushing me to revive the fire inside me again and again.  I truly thanked God for giving me such a wonderful, loving church and fellowship, a great place to nurture my faith in these years.  I was also very luckily freed from what some American friends experienced in their home churches (eg. all the nastiest fights and distrusts between denominations, liberals and fundamentalists, and crazy church rules and norms causing injustice, abuses and suppressions).

Back to Bucknell - the bubble - again for my third year.  The fall semester was very tough.  With an 5-credit academic schedule packed with piano lessons and courses, I struggled through every class, most notably the "Statistics for Engineers" by Professor James Wright.  I quoted the full class and professor's name, because I hated this class and his teaching so much!!!  Certainly I know that Christians should not hate, but I cannot emphasize anymore that how this class and his teaching inflicted so much pain to my fall semester in junior year!

But whenever there is sadness and frustration, there is more joy and hope from him!  This time was not summer camp, but Fall Conference!  During this semester, I was much more involved in IV and met a great group of friends.  I espeically thank Stacey, with whom we had chatted a lot freely about many things, including about whom I loved.  Her analyses(^.^), understanding and encouragement were very helpful to me.

During Christmas break, staying with Ed Smith's family and the Joshua Conference in Houston, TX with Kaley were also notable experience, espeically for me who have never been to Southern US.

What else shall I say?  Well...... if I am really going to write them all down, it will be a 10-page paper titled "My junior year in detail".  But anyway, I'll never say that the past year was miserable, or there is no progress on anything at all.  I know that God is working subtlely on everything for those who trust him and love him.  All I need to do is to rely on him, and believe that whatever I ask, he will give the best, not by my will but your will, to me.

God bless Keami, his junior piano recital, and all those yearning and coming for it.

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