網誌
2005年1月29日 下午11點22分00秒
do you miss me? do you ever think of me when you cannot meet me in person?
yes i mean you! yes, the one who is now reading the lines here. got an email from a dear friend who is studying abroad. she talks about how sooo scary a thought that your friends might have you forgotten. i am absolutely with her. cos i know how it feels like when i was not here in hk. how errie the whole feeling was. it haunts me.
it just happens that your friends may have you forgotten. they do not actually mean this, most of the time. it's just that you happens to slip out of their minds, an accident though. forgot to ring you up for a dinner or just gathering of no importance. but once you were not there, you feel like, you are missing something. you are absent from that happiness whom others have been enjoying. it sounds as if, people can live without you. they can feel jolly good even when you are not there at all. it's like you do not make a difference. and it hurts.
perhaps, tell me you miss me when you bump into me next time...
2005年1月27日 下午3點14分00秒
 | Currently Reading American Foreign Policy: The Dynamics of Choice in the 21st Century, Second Edition By Bruce W. Jentleson see related |
in order to stop thinkin over which course i should really take.
i decided to drag maself to the bookshop today n got tis bought, despite without that discount thing.
..hmm..alrite..buyin it doesnt really mean reading it. how pathetic! i jst want ya guys to push me reading the whole thing.
2005年1月27日 上午7點06分00秒
maybe i'm one of those who really push myself to the limit of human endurance before i got into hell.
gpa's out, not that i'm not doin well, but yes, i still feel bad. very much indeed. i try not to behave like tis despite ppl keep sayin the same thingy to me over and over. mais, je ne sais pas. mais c'est moi. c'est comme ca. je ne peux pas changer. always trying to get sth more. yes, i know i'm selfish. asking simply too much. n i dun really deserve the whole thing.
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another thing that i really wanna tell ya guys, if there're really ppl reading tis piece of shit)
well, still feeling lost. still hav no idea of what a direction, if there is any, is like. where am I? and where WAS i? why i jst kind of giving up my beliefs.ideals these days. why cant i jst be a little bit more determined? i used to be so determined. but i'm not sure of myself these days. it's actually so bad. i hate me.
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final entry before bed. i promise ya guys.
i try to write these days, but i'm jst so tired to put down my feelings n stuff ta ya...but lapse into these words for you to digest. (if not causing constipation to ya here, pls pardon)it's bad when ya push yaself so hard to stay with any kind of living organism on earth who somehow understands what you're saying and responding. but..thas not sth i want. whenever i'm left to myself. i still feel bad. i cant feel at ease anymore..jst anywhere. with anyone. definitely thinking too much. maybe i should really stop it here. so vulunerable these days. my brain is what i'm addressing to. thinking is way too exhausting. can i hav sby to reach out? do i really hav sby to talk to? is there really anyone on earth whom i can share with?
on my way getting to collapse.
falling apart.
2005年1月26日 上午12點32分00秒
oh hav i told ya guys tis wonderful piece of news despite the midst of life?
a frd of mine was in paris last couple weeks and it's so nice of her to help get loads of stuff pour moi, seulement...among them...j'ai une copie de <<jalouse>> et <<premiere>> , heureusement!!!!!!!! oui, je sais ca exactement... peut-etre, la vie en france, elle me manque. mais...
trop jalouse??? haha:P
et i love the poster of charlie and the chocolate factory, a tim burton production!!!!!!!!
2005年1月25日 上午12點30分00秒
it bounces back again..n it hurts