網誌
2004年3月31日 上午10點19分00秒a week since my last entry.... this week...
a week since my last entry.... this week passes real fast.. exam started and i'll soon be done with it. nothing much to say about the chinese paper.... maybe i didn't expect anything anyhow. umm.. so... english tomorrow.. hope practical skills'll go fine this year.
a kinda weird feeling attacked me this afternoon.. when i finished a couple of proof-readings in city hall. i felt so inadequate of myself, of my multiple choice answers, and of my results of every single paper. on my way home, i suddenly wonder what am i looking for actually? i dunno what standard i haf now, and i dunno what standard i should be hafing now. say, i score 80% for my reading paper, and i realise a couple careless mistakes afterwards, so i think next time i'm gonna imporve and score 85%. but next time i score 80% again, and then i feel pathetic and inadequate of myself. that's funny ehh? tse sin ling indeed cares so much about her marks now. or say, tse sin ling eventually starts to care so much about her marks now. how am i gonna be like after a year, two, three, four.... if i still care so much about my marks? there's always a higher standard that i can request for my own, there's always perfection. btu do i necessarily needa attain the perfection? and is there anything more beyond the perfection? damn.. i'm a bit lost.... how can i ever make myself satisfied again?
2004年3月23日 上午6點12分00秒DEDICATE THE FOLLOWING PASSAGE TO EVERY OF...
2004年3月19日 上午10點26分00秒many familiar faces in st pauls and city...
many familiar faces in st pauls and city hall... couldn't sleep last nite, tho i was reallie very sleepy... eventually sat up and cried. i haf never cried over things like this before.. stupid academic stuff. the fucking building next door is now being renovated. damn noisy. fuckit. it's the worst timing ever, the worst study situation ever. feel like i'm gonna exhuast my life in a month. the very familiar faces in st pauls.. thanks all who spent time with me. i reallie mean it. it's my second attempt, i dunno whether i'm reallie dying for architecture, or i'm juz here to prove soemthing to myself, and to everyone. i think i am capable to do it well, or maybe... i used to think i'm capable to do it well. but now... self-confidence is depreciating.. well i know i know i juz got a few more days and everything will be over. i know i only need to hang in for a couple of days longer. i know this so well. but it's more than that. i need something more than that. i felt, and i'm still feeling, reallie touched when i said 'add oil' to two upper6 guys today.. of which they said that back, and i appreciate so much christopher's smile. every of these tiny things relaxes me. i hope i'll be fine. and i know i will be.
2004年3月15日 下午7點44分00秒janice: i dunno why i can't leave a message...
janice: i dunno why i can't leave a message in your xanga... but did you go down cuz of my photocopy..? ohh geez.. what can i say.. too grateful... thanksthanks... truly, realliereallie.
soo.. i dunno where the hell my dad got some bottles of choya rum/gin/vodka spark back home..... and we're like drinking that once every two-three nights. they taste pretty good actually.. much better than subzero or anything you can get in 7-11. geez.. suddenly miss all the old times drinking at somebody's home, down the bridge of western park, ma-jong overnite.. and i miss you too... jeremy, jessica, ronald, john, miu. comebackcomeback.
2004年3月11日 下午4點56分00秒feeling pathetic. i'm inadequate. very...
feeling pathetic. i'm inadequate. very inadequate.
maybe my brain's decaying, my body's decaying, my soul's decaying... simply everything of me is decaying. arrgggghhhhh.
stop all the freaking econ. please. i start to hate itttttttttt.
*okay.. i feel much much better nowwwwww.