2007年7月2日 下午2點48分01秒the problem of apologies.

the only person that i thot would stick by me till the end...

turned around to me.

and told me that i was being immature. told me that i was being petty. told me that once again i am wrong.

my last bit of hope.. died. right there..... just... got zapped...... lol once again reduced to that mound of nothingness.

well.. thankyou for letting me know how shit i am.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>to put this here and hope noone else come to tell me off.

still so tired.. man havn't been online fer yonks.. not much has happend but at the same time so much has.. lol did wana post some stuff out here about some war on the homefront [lol just remembering how i used to talk to xi n how i used the word "homefront" when i was talking about family life].. anyway, for the people who care [and i thnk there is only one other person non family in my life that does] refer to poObie's xanga for the details.

yesterday i got told i was ridiculous.. lol for an interesting reason.... i suppose one can say i am "lil air".. or "petty" [direct quote] but if anything i think there is an misunderstanding here.. maybe i am a little bit "lil air" at times,but this time it has nothing to do with it.... i told you that it was a matter of principle.. n it is....

i do wonder these days what the meaning of  an apology is... to express regret? sorrow? even sarcasm? what does a person want to say with an apology? for me its prolly a combo of things... depending on the person i say it to...
to a friend, or to somone i care about, its always been to tell them that i know ive done something unpleasant in that person's eye and im letting them know that i realise this, and that i will try to not make the same mistake in future....
and at time i say sorrry to cranky customers or ppl who couldnt find what they wanted... that sorry for being unable to help them...
as such... its used in alot of ways, and unless i was sarcastic, i generally take it that there is the meaning of regret and remorse, seeking some kindo "ok" from the other person and comforting them and/or making them realise that you value them [and they still r ok with you lol]

based on these principles, if i feel like i have alreadi expressed these things, i do not feel the need to repeat an apology.... sometimes its heartfelt... and to be honest you'd have to be very not give face [sorry for the non fobs i dont know how to say it] to not accept an apology however it is delivered....or if there is any other reason.. i dont know and have not yet been able to comprehend.... maybe someone should tell me??!? [i am serious i do want to know]............ lol i dunoz.. maybe im too stuck on my own kindo thinking.. always logical always "simple" [in a funny kindo way] i really dont know what to say or do sometimes......

 and i realise that this principle never works in real life.. couples have arguments that can get hicked up by the problem of apologies... families can fall apart from the same problem... as with relations between nations, between races, between just about anyone and anything....

but why should we be like that? yeh i know when you care about something, when you been hurt, feeling insulted/unwanted/discrimated against [lol im so starting an eminem rap here] of course ur guna b pissed off and of course you'd wana make sure the other person knows.. make sure they apologise... but im saying.. sometimes.. after fights, after debates, after arguments.... we know the other party isnt exactly feeling so well either.. we know that some part of them knows that they're wrong... n if they choose pick another way of expressing that then why is it that we still need to stand there with some snob look n go "bow before me and apologise!!"????? is our face that important?????? do we really need to have them kicked down to the lowest thing and have them self realise what a total loser they are? [yeh i can understand how extremely pleasurable it would be to have someone that hurt you know and admit that they are scum of the earth.... but its not exactly nice is it? and a bit "overkill", in my opinion]

id hope that when i get offended, i would be able to handle things with grace... to accept apologies, however they've come.. give everyone some face.. so we can all "get off the stage" [LOL another sad ass chink phrase i cant translate]......... lol n yeh do come bitchslap me when i dont. tell me im being a stupid bitch, that i should know you aint a total cunt n that i should see that you alrdi admit you did something i didnt like.... and i shall HAVE to be gracious then [LOL] owel. you get wat i mean ga la...

so... am i stil ridiculous? [well from looking at the length of this rant.. yeh im bloody fucking ridiculous man. and if that offends you... im sorry.]

ANYHOO!! wellz... i bet you after this point the only person still reading it is my superfans [aka kt] .. haha no ur not... but yeh... lol i guess i hafta thankyu for always reading my rants [or i think you do lol]..... n yeh... so.. to talk about better things... lol friday~!!! twas heaps fun lol didnt know anjo had such interesting cousins! [n fw is gettin fat] but yeh... drinks was nice.. n went verandah afterwards.. hehehe saw dudu there,  man that gal really disappeared.. n tai was there too. cant bliv din see her.... so yeh.. one more funny clubbing nite, and one more interesting opinion of me... apparently im looking "gangster".. sitting next to my beloved mimi i feel very honored to be picked as the scary "gangster" one haha!

n yeh...starting winter session 2mw!! so excited....

 towards becoming a cofa student!!

outz~

san

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

if you got probs with the way i think please keep it to yourself. i know i have problems n this is my own record so if you dont like it then just dont read it.

thankyou.

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2006年2月23日 上午4點37分50秒my fAve tutoR in the world

yes im aware this is the 3rd copy of this that i have put up online but the ppl JUST HAVE TO KNOW about the kind of shit that goes on in this world...

okok im bringin up an old thing.. =P this is sad...if it wasnt for betty i wouldnt have gotten my friggin essay aback and i wouldnt have known what happened.. if you guys all dint know all along for my course {hpSc- the history and philosophy of science} i had been gettin D's for every assessment and was goin for a Distinction in general...and i ended up getting that as my LOWEst mark.. i got a mere ...

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2006年2月4日 上午8點02分58秒At wAr!!! ::sHame mAh faMiLy???! ::

ai.. just for ONCE i'd like to be @ peace with the church and ppl but you guys obviously dont know where to stop do ya?

so im not churching and i dun follow Christ.. i dont have a relationship with Jesus..

guess who is to blame 4 that?? ME. MOI. SANDY. (yu can blame God,dont mind if you do!) but NOT my PARENTS. ...

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