網誌
2006年2月14日 上午1點54分56秒Have I Made My Point?
Here I am. Alone. It feels good. Because I have done what so many desire. I have brought happiness to two individuals whom I hold dear.
The female I to whom I am 'attached' has brought to my attention that we did not see eye to eye on a number of subjects. I realized it long ago, but being a male, I surpressed this feeling. The feeling being that we had lost sexual interest in one another. Now, to any other 'lower' being they might consider this the beginning of the end, as it might very well be. But why does it have to be an unpleasant end? Why can it not be a destruction worthy human relationships?
So, with the heartfelt intent of an angel, I brought her to a man that suffered from lack of sexual activity. The solution does not envolve me. It envolves my ability to seperate myself from an antiquated idea. You see: monogamy is merely an idea picked clear out of the air. With no basis on the reality of man. We are animals; we propagate the species by combining sufficient DNA, not by excluding possible individuals upon social constraints. It makes no sense (but so does the entirety of our existence if you stare into it). Why seperate individuals? We are no better than other animals in so many ways. We are simply different.
I made their sexual satisfaction. I will go my own direction. I will experience my own satisfaction for a brief period of time, as that is the resulting purpose of man. To impregnate as many females as possible. As intelligent beings we make the choice to hold the seed and experience the pleasure. It has nothing to do with any individual being inexperienced, incapable or what have you. It is two individuals who have seen the tricks and patterns inside and out of the other. Who have experienced and enjoyed to the point where they no longer have effect. I feel as my 'mate' does. Sexually, she is of no interest to me.
So what if I experience other individuals, as she will do? A great weight is lifted from our shoulders. We finally feel free. Most days we feel comfort in knowing: whatever comes of a situation we care for each other and the well being of the other.
I feared that my ideas were ahead of myself. That I could not possibly let such actions to happen, but to implement them myself - to be in control of them, it makes me feel more alive then any characteristic trait of a false happiness. A false happiness like monogamy.
2006年2月12日 下午1點54分34秒A Thought On Thoughts
I have come to the conclusion that there are very few persons left with the drive to think. We are all drowning in a a complex ocean of memories, of history, of pre-thought thoughts.
Those of us with the capacity, clear away the confusing clutter long enough to live up on the surface and breathe the fresh air. However, by that point we are too strained, too exhausted to take on the hoi polli and their healthy history; the unconscious collective. Those of us who care to take the harder road become battered and broken soldier's far to weak to make much more difference than as an example unheeded. Eventually most, before their death, recant or revert, pulled back into the ocean by the gravity of the great mass that is the collective. It pulls a thinker back; reins his weakened body back to familiar grounds.
It is truly bewildering, when gazed upon from the surface. Any individual can open their eyes, unfortunately, only so many can truly see. I have yet to engage an individual upon the surface of this ocean. They exist-as history is littered with their names: Einstein, Neitzsche, Gibran, Blake. Their words instigate my own actions. Otherwise man would continue to sink deeper in the ocean of ready made ideas, beliefs without effort. It will ultimately lead to our suffocation under the great oceans weight. A weight consisting of time (memories) that we can barely comprehend because our comprehension does not benefit our species. No more than if a bee was to comprehend, after releasing his stinger into an individual of threat, his death was eminent. Or if a dog were to recognize his domestication by man. Or a lion understanding pride dynamics.
So too do we fall victim to accumulating data. Our egos blind us with an archaic idea: the universe belongs to us. To know that this belief is antiquated does not bring us to any unseen truth. Unfortunately, from a human perspective, all this knowledge will only lead us back to the beginning: darkness. Nothingness.